Jakarta !! No she went on her own accord !!

We decided to make an unscheduled trip to Indonesia , as you do ! we never even entertained coming here, which is odd as it was the biggest section in our travel guide! so we left Kuching in Borneo ( I did not succeed in finding the man that bit dad, I am not sure he existed) ,and we flew to Singapore , drank a bottle of Champagne which we had both been craving for 3 months, whilst waiting for our flight , and then flew to Jakarta.. Neither of us knew what to expect, we decided to work our way South and fly back to Singapore from Bali.

After a lengthy visa process, we jumped into a cab to take us to our hotel.... This is the worst traffic we had experienced, total gridlock, no rules on the road, we were getting used to hundreds of mopeds, but throw in millions of cars, you could not squeeze anything between any vehicle, and believe me they try ... It was a very stressful journey, coupled with the fact that our driver had an unfortunate tick, or ticks, he shook and clucked and twitched and blinked and winked and snorted for two whole hours, it is a wonder he could see out of the windscreen at all, I could not look at Brian , spent most of the journey peering through my fingers and laughing..

A rare glimpse of this unusual creature !

We eventually arrived , even the driver looked surprised, we managed to avoid any scrapes, bent the wing mirror back into place a number of times... and avoided beggars tapping on window .... The city is so different to what we had imagined .... Smog, beggars, noise, heat, very shabby huge skyscrapers which are all banks.. its like Hanoi, but with a big bank balance... we were pleased to get into our lovely hotel ...

Named by government as 'inhumane ' ...

superheroes

The next day we were awake at 5am thanks to Allah. and the mosque opposite our hotel, I can't repeat what Brian said he was going to do with the speaker at the mosque but I don't think Allah would have liked it .... as we were up, we thought we would tear Jakarta a new A !!! and headed off to Fatahillah Square.... so 2 hours later we arrived.... it was only 6km away, the traffic is ridiculous, and it is really scary ... It was boiling hot and the smog is horrendous, it is like a brown cloud hanging over the city ... the square was awful, it had big old Dutch buildings in it housing museums which are so shabby and in such a state of disrepair it was quite depressing, there were beggars everywhere, rubbish shrewn on the cobbles and a river so polluted and poisonous it could have been used as a weapon of mass destruction . we found a lovely old bar called Cafe Batavia which is like Raffles and an oasis amongst litter and debris ,   and we cooled down.whilst in there I managed to see an extremely rare sight, something which has never been seen before with the naked eye and I was fortunate enough to capture it on camera.... it was like showing a caveman fire for the first time... it took a while, 3 months in fact but apprehensively he gradually took the plunge and picked up .... the Rough Guide ... it was like handing the disciples the bible ... it didn't last long, something must have spooked this rare creature, but I caught it ....... In there, we met a Canadian who lives in Jakarta and asked her where we should go as the guide books were a little shy on information.... She suggested going to the Mall for a pedicure !!!!

So ... we hopped in a cab and sat in mind freaking traffic for another one hour forty minutes to get to the 'Mall'...  It was mind blowing, marble everywhere, blacked out windows, floor after floor of designer shops, chic sophisticated shoppers , it is like being on another planet, these cool air conditioned sanctuaries  blanking out the heat and noise and chaos and refuse .... all in the brown smoggy shadow of the banks and oil companies, which fuel the cars and traffic creating the smog .... it really messes with your head.. There does not seem any attempt to stem the flow of traffic and gridlock, it will get busier and busier ... we decided we had enough of chaos and were going to leave the next day ... so after another hours taxi ride home we packed our rucks ready to leave the next morning..

porters trying to get on train .

Up and at it, traffic jam to the airport, then waited for our train to Bandung... we had booked first class tickets £4 and as the train came in there were people sitting on the roof and hanging off of windows and doors.... we were wondering what we would get for our money ! a gaggle of porters were waiting at the end of the platform and as the train pulled up to the platform, they sprint along the train trying to get in, really fast, in their flip flops, in the hope of getting on first and to carry a bag, and I thought repping was prostitution !
The train was fine, big seats, a/c a tv playing Indonesia got talent ..journey was lovely, through jungle and paddy fields, tea plantations, skirting around volcanoes and across viaducts, the views were amazing.. We arrived in Bandung a got a cab to our boutique hotel ( more horrendous traffic ) hotel is amazing, we dumped the bags and headed for 'Jean street' all shopkeepers vie for your business by having huge plaster characters outside their shops, Spiderman, Superman, Rambo, James Bond very surreal.. back to the hotel to book our driver for our volcano trip tomorrow, I can't wait .
We got up really early to get to the volcano, the drive up was beautiful . up through terraced plantations, teak and wild ginger forests, chincona tress ( bark used for quinine) rubber plantations, there is always so much to see.

both from outer space !!!

Add caption

taxis

We eventually made it up to the crater at 1830 m , the crater drops precipitously from the rim and bursts of steam and the smell of sulphur are released into the air. The energy of this place is overwhelming, everywhere is covered with warm volcanic ash, it all feels very alive, and is a reminder of the sinister activity lying beneath the surface ! very exciting,  we both felt really energised just being here, so decided to walk around the rim !!! no health and safety here, we were the only ones, most people had climbed out of their minibus taken a photo of themselves with their phone ! then gone to look at the tatty souvenir stalls .... As we scrambled our way around the rim ! eagles were soaring above us and the low hanging clouds were mixing with the steam from the volcano, all very eerie , all the trees were dripping with steam and It felt like it could blow any minute, the views over the surrounding countryside were wonderful, so many different greens, lime green of the paddy fields framed by the emerald green of the tea plantations.. we made our way down the volcano through the market town of Lembung 3 km out of our town, it was like stepping back in time, the traffic thinned out to just pony and trap.. this is the only form of transport, they are used as cabs with upto 8 people in them, they are all queued up outside the markets, waiting for their rides.. one horsepower versus 140 horsepower, ! no pollution, no noise, no head injuries, just clip clopping of hooves , amazing.Our driver ! took us into town, Bandung has the most art Deco buildings in the world, and they are beautiful, most of them are banks or hotels, we spent ages wandering around looking at all the geometrical lines and rounded edges.
We ended up at the Geological museum as I wanted to see the meteor it housed , it was awesome... huge. hard to believe it actually came from outer space, it was a fab museum with whole fossilised bones of an elephant a hippo and a rhinoceros, even the skull of 'java man' ... We have really enjoyed Bandung, but looking forward to moving onto Yogyakarta tomorrow.

Turtles and Head hunters ....

Eu Eu eeu eu e um um wey ...In the jungle the lion sleeps tonight .... Brian is sick to the back of his jungle teeth hearing me wailing that song to him the whole time ... don''t understand it myself ...and I can now sing it VERY loudly.. Awim ber way awim ber way ... all together now ...

Live egg laying  !!

Anyway ..... we left the jungle and had an extremely bumpy boat ride over to Turtle Island .. L4 and L5 vertebra are now in line, unfortunately they are not sitting on my SIJ (Sacral Iliac Joint) it never leaves you this medical jargon. I felt well and truly 'bucked' ... Turtle island is like paradise.. just like you can imagine, perfectly circular, clear turquoise water, fine white sand, coconut trees and mango trees, a party of 25 I love Borneo t shirt wearing elderly Americans...  bliss.....
We spent the afternoon snorkelling amongst the coral and laying on the sand getting bitten to buggery by sand flies, and listening to the gentle woo hooing from our friends across the pond ....

Eggs moved to Hatchery

We had to meet at 6.30pm for our turtle talk, and watch a video on these prehistoric creatures ... turtles start to lay eggs between the ages of 30 and 50 years.. they come back to where they were hatched ... this island has a conservation programme to help this endangered specie ... she lays around 100 eggs these take 50-70 days to hatch, then the hatchlings have to dig their way out of the sand, having waited for all their brothers and sisters to hatch, then they all make a mad dash for the sea, and off to a watery life on their own... only 1% survive .. they are eaten by monitor lizards and eagles and fish, etc..

Hatchlings ready for freedom ..

Rainy Rainforest ..

After dinner where I was bored to death by a Dutch guy who had just completed a survival course !!! pity about the outcome on my part ..... ( weary of doing these amazing experiences to be tainted by people .... whom I politely listen to all night ... whom I will never see again, and really don't care about .. god I am sounding like dad).... anyway at 905pm we got the shout 'turtle time'.. I know a bit tame .. I was thinking more ..OMG ... get your arse in gear there is a sodding great big turtle hauling herself up the ruddy beach .....!!!.the yanks were in an over excited stupor whooping and a hollering .... off we went to the beach, and god love her .. they are not overly gracefully out of the water, looked like such an effort... when she eventually chose her spot, she started digging with her legs to make her pit... Brian having done midwifery as a nurse gave me an amusing summary of how far dilated she was and whether she needed more gas and air, and if the father wanted to hold her flipper fins.. once she had dug her pit, she went into this trance like state, and started laying.. it was amazing, we literally saw them popping out, as she was laying a ranger was collecting them and putting them in a bucket, it was all done by torch light so forgive the photos .... when she had finished and started covering the hole with sand she was measured and tagged ..

Long house

We then went to the hatchery where a hole was dug and the still warm eggs put inside to keep them safe from predators..
We then collected hatchlings which had already hatched that evening and went down to the waters edge.... the basket was then tipped towards the water and 95 little hatchlings made a dash for it Charlie Chaplin like .... it was really emotional, they were all running around our feet so we had to keep picking them up and turning them round the right way.. it was pretty frantic...  it was also a  tearful experience helping these lovely creatures on their way to a pretty much watery grave ...
Interestingly temperature affects what sex the hatchlings are , its pretty easy women are hot and men are cool ..... Good luck little turtles.. after so much excitement it was back to our cabin for the night and thoughts of what we had just experienced.....
The next morning we had to leave the island by 7am !!! the beach looked like a war zone, with huge craters and tracks all over it, we later found out that 28 turtles had come ashore that night, it looked like a scene out of Saving Ryans Privates !!!!!
Back in the boat where L4 and L5 were put out but SIJ is sitting perfectly on my pelvis .... after a quick visit to a Chinese Temple.. ( man they must be on LSD when they build these things , they are well lairy ) we went onto to the airport for our 2 flights to Kuching ..

Tribal Brian

Kuching has a lovely river running through it and its waterfront is dotted with temples, very pretty, the town is pretty industrial and noisy, so after 2 days of wandering around we decided to head out to a national park to visit some long houses.. we had booked into a 5 star hotel for some beach time.... the hotel had the biggest most luscious pool I had ever seen... after an hour sat on a trendy lounger we were boiling hot and bored to death ... hmmm beach hols are dull dull dull..
The next day I dragged Brian around the long houses which was brilliant, built really high and all of wood, with intricate carvings on them, all sleep on raised platforms and just have a cooking area and a healing area ( bit scary all witch doctor carry on !!) we saw a wonderful dance lots of drumming and trance like dancing very tribal , men with lots of feather head dresses on and blowpipes... quite erotic ..... apart from the human skulls hanging from nets in the door ways ... made one feel slightly uncomfortable..they invited us up to dance, I was pretty keen , especially with the lean man in a feather headdress with hardy anything on, but was afraid his blowpipe might go off , so I reluctantly declined .... a really fantastic day, didn't get back to the pool until 5pm.. so not much beach time for poor old Brian...

headhunter skulls

oh er missus ...

Only leave turtle tracks xxx

The next day the heavens opened but then we are in the rainforest ..... it has not stopped raining, so I am writing this as Brian is watching the Rugby.. time to reflect on the past two weeks which have been totally amazing.. we leave Borneo tomorrow for Jakarta where we are going to make our way down through Indonesia and fly out from Bali... we will be sorry to leave Borneo but I am sure we will meet again ...

Borneo !!!! OMG

I am so sorry I have not written my blog, we have either been underwater, in the jungle, or on a deserted beach with no WIFI ... I have so much to write , so get a cup of tea, or a beer and prepare for our last week of amazing experiences....

Singapore rip off

So ... we arrived in Singapore, to our Hotel 81 , in Little India, It is just like being in India , especially at the weekend, hundreds and hundreds of Indians and Nepalese who head into town for the weekend , it was also Deepavali, , so a lot of locals on holiday shopping in the markets and buying gifts for their god... the food was divine , and we tried everything, the local ruby house will never seem the same again ... The smells of spices and the Bollywood music blaring out of shops made for a wonderful experience ....

A very rare flower !!

I was still feeling pretty awful, so most of Singapore was done in a pyrexic haze, we hopped on a open topped bus for a guided tour as I was as weak as a kitten and thought it would take out the leg work... we also got a boat cruise thrown in.. but by this time I was producing so much heat I could have run the electric boat we were travelling on ...  Singapore is a perfect city, clean , no traffic, organised, wealthy, punctual and efficient public services, but it has absolutely no soul .... except for little India. Lots of high rise buildings housing bankers who have made a hash of everybody's economy , who then party all night in the overly expensive , trendy , perfectly formed bars and clubs.... it is as if the skyscrapers are looking down on us laughing .. at us all trying to survive for the next 10 years... whilst the skyline is interspersed with cranes building more buildings forming an eyebrow making it look as if they are frowning !!!  ( you can tell I was pyrexic and hallucinating ) anyway we went to Raffles for  £15 Singapore sling which made me cross, as I was being made a monkey out of ... or felt like one as I skidded and crunched all the monkey nuts that had been thrown on the floor ..... We also went to the Botanical gardens which were beautiful, especially the Orchid gardens... We both agreed that Singapore was just a bit "too nice " , but underneath this squeaky clean city lies very high class sex trade !!!! an invisible trade for all those right bunch of bankers !!!!!

water bungalow 

The next day we flew to Borneo ...I was highly excited .... or was until my ears squeaked and crushed my head as we came into land ... from my cold ... thank the lord it was me and not Brian ...Dad always told us girls that he was bitten on the arm by a crazy man in Borneo during the war !!! ( cant think where I get my vivid imagination from ..) it was his BCG scar on his arm I was later to understand .. anyway I am going to find me that man and bite him back whilst in Borneo .....  We landed in Kota Kinabalu and booked our next weeks trips .... the following day we flew to Tawua aand got the bus passing palm oil plantations and cocoa farms to Semporna the diving resort which is supposed to be better than the barrier reef ...or as Jacques Cousteau put it " an untouched piece of art " ... our home for the next couple of nights was the Dragon Inn, built on stilts over water. our room was on planks of wood with the sea peeping between the cracks ... the bathroom had no drains, apart from the cracks between the planks.... you did not need a book in this loo !!! just watch the fish under you .... I am no longer a pescatarian , still pesky !!
The next day was an early start and a very fast exciting boat ride for an hour out to Mabul island.. a dive resort , Brian had a very sore throat ... well when I mean very , it was more like I had hidden crushed glass in his food, taken  a rusty saw and carved my way through his throat and then doused his neck in petrol and set fire to it ... lets just say he was suffering !!! ( nightmare !!)

Fatty boom boom

Brian laid on the beach whilst I was whisked off 30 minutes into the South China sea with my snorkelling guide Annie ( 60 year old yoga teacher !! Yikes ) I was not allowed to dive due to my cold .. nuts .. anyway we jumped in to the water and the boat zoomed off... Annie was dressed in a full wet suit ... I had my bikini on !!! felt a little under dressed to say the least ...It was an apprehensive hours snorkel, as I was stung by jellyfish, whilst Annie snorkelled ahead enjoying her hours snorkel ... we swam with the tide back to the boat, and I emptied my mask which was full ....... like having a salt water lavage .... we then headed to a lagoon which was much shallower, and I now had my urine soaked wetsuit on.... ( not mine ....) but hey it was still warm... it was like swimming in an aquarium, we saw so much, beautiful corals, swaying in the tide, huge starfish abandoned and being lifted and taken to a different site by the current, too many fish to name , razor fish, which swim vertically, parrotfish, trumpetfish, juvenile sweetlip fish ,Michael Fish,  huge shoals of fish who seem to swim by you doing the mexican wave in the most vivid electric blues and purples... I was finally rewarded with a pipefish , a lion fish which looked scary and a baby seahorse...  which sort of galloped by or trotted or what ever they do , which I had so been looking forward to , but no turtle ... we arrived back to the dive resort where I saw baby Brian getting out of the water .... before I could tell him what I had seen being dumped a mile away , he excitedly told me he had seen ... a lion fish, a Trumpet fish, a razor fish, a juvenile sweet lips, and shoals of tropical fish !! (no Michael Fish ) nuts man ... old  Neptune had seen the same as me off the end of the jetty... talk about piss on my fish and chips !!!! after lunch we decided to go snorkelling together, in my quest to find a turtle..... no sooner had Brian tripped and stumbled walking forwards in his flippers and gracefully plunging into the water,  a ruddy great big green turtle swam by ..... I kid you not !!! it was unbelievable , I swam with it for about 5 minutes and it brought tears to my eyes... (mainly salt water from my ill fitting mask and the ammonia from my urine drenched borrowed wet suit) , but certainly a very special moment.... we held hands snorkelling around for about an hour in awe at this underwater world, then headed back to our water bungalow for a well earned sleep ...

Pimms at Agnes Keiths

The next day we caught the bus to Sandakan, which took 6 hours, through many areas of deforestation and palm oil plantations.. Logging is a huge industry here, it started in 1920s when the T rans Siberian railway was being built and they needed the Borneo Iron wood for their railway sleepers,  many forests and jungles were cut down, and not replanted,  palm oil plantations have now replaced these forests , which is a very lucrative business , the oil is used as a bio fuel and in food stuffs, chocolate , bread and as an oil, I am sure we have all tried it or worst bought it.. well the orang utans are being forced out of their natural habitats and are dying out , very very sad.
We arrived in Sandakan and booked our trips , we also visited Agnes Keiths house !! as you are all aware a very famous author from the US. Her husband lived here and she wrote some book ... anyway during the Japanese occupation was taken as a POW for 3 years and wrote her novels and hid the pages in her childs soft toys.. she survived and published the books, all about Borneo and her experiences.. The death march was where Japanese soldiers made 2700 Australian and British soldiers walk 215 km through dense jungle ...  only 6 survived .... very upsetting... Agnes house was lovely,  teak floors and very colonial, croquet lawn and tea house, we had a Pimms and looked over the bay ,

Skyping Mum xx

back to the hotel to book flights and skype mum and Jo whilst watching the sun go down.

mother kissing her baby

Proboscis monkey

jungle lodge

mum and baby

We were picked up the next day by mini bus and taken to the Sepilok Orangutan sanctuary, this is a feeding centre for Orangutans that have been orphaned , stolen, or injured, they are taught how to fend for themselves and brought up in a nursery, they are then set free, they choose to come back at feeding times at their own free will, a wonderful centre... there was a lovely boardwalk and a feeding platform which rangers put milk and fruit on.. We got there at 0900 and waited until feeding time at 10 am .. the anticipation was so exciting, sometimes none come... eventually a mother came with her baby around her waist, it was amazing, they are so human like ( 94 % ) .. I know a lot of people this close ..the mother was kissing and cuddling her baby.  and swiping at the Macaques trying to steal her food..  a wonderful moment. soon after the alpha male arrived and loped along the rope to get his breakfast, as the tiny monkeys were hanging under the platform with their little fingers grabbing onto the planks , he kept thumping his hand down on there fingers like a game, just the way we would , ( or I would have done to Kate .) it was an absolute delight to see them , and so exciting waiting for them .. a real privilege, and  a once in a lifetime experience.

Brian with sarong in pants doh !!

sunset in jungle

crocodile !!!

O tang in jungle

We were then taken to the jetty and into a boat for a very speedy journey across the sea and up the river to out Jungle  Lodge, It was beautiful, bougainvillea archways, all wooden bungalows on stilts, board walks joining the  buildings to the restaurant and a 1000m board walk into the jungle, with watchtowers to view the wildlife and river.. we dumped the bags and Brian was so hot he laid down for a while.. me being the explorer set off into the jungle on my own !!! I was really scared, the only one out there, but on a board walk so safe enough... well I heard a rustling in the trees and stopped to look up .. my heart was really thumping, it was so exciting and scary , I saw a mass jump from one tree to another and grunting ... No it wasn't Brian, it was a family of Proboscis monkeys, the alpha male, a mother with her baby and a juvenile ... I could not believe it and promptly burst into tears ... another couple  of guests came along and I very excitedly showed them and wandered off again on my own .. I then heard fruits dropping to the ground and looked up to find an Orangutan hanging upside down in a tree... I was absolutely speechless.... and wished I could share it with someone !!! I raced back to tell Brian. it was then time for our river trip.. all 6 of us got into an open boat and set off. it was utterly wonderful, the anticipation was as great as the actual seeing, our guide was very enthusiatic and was always pointing things out... too much to name, sea eagles, kingfishers, monitor lizards,hornbills about 60 proboscis monkeys all sitting in trees , they are the monkeys with the really long noses ... which look like .. you  know ... dick heads ... apparantly it helps to keep them cool .... it was wonderful to see them, grooming each other, mothers breast feeding , babies fighting, men shagging on branches.. yep .. it was like monkey porn in that jungle  .... it was back to lodge for dinner then out on a night  cruise to spot birds sleeping !! it was so dark, and the stars were like diamonds in the sky , no light pollution , wonderful , it was eerie but exciting travelling down the river by spotlight shining on trees and seeing tropical birds sleeping...  we eventually stopped by a tree and when the torch was switched off the whole thing lit up with fireflies ... like a christmas tree flicking on and off, with that and the stars it was a truly magical night and overwhelming ...

After a wondeerful sleep it was a very early start for our morning cruise , the river mist was disappearing as the sun was rising over the river, wonderfully serene and glass like  we saw so many amazing birds, even Brian was excited and was getting really good at spotting birds and monkeys, we cruised down the river stopping to spot things, then had coffee and biscuits in an ox bow lake in the wild hyacinth ... not everyday you do that.... back to the lodge for breakfast in the middle of the jungle where we were joined by monkeys and Brian saw the orangutan ... I was soooo excited ... after lunch we headed upstream  to another lodge for the night, we had another river cruise where we spotted a huge  crocodile with the most beautiful markings slip into the water and just disappear without a trace... stealth like ..
and a night trek where we saw sleeping birds and huge spiders and chameleons .. too much to mention, back for a shower then into our sarongs... everyone had to wear one left in their room for the night, which was amusing, Brian really liked his and kept tucking the back in his pants on purpose coming out of the loo, which made me laugh... not the Germans.. a great night, but wearily we headed back to our lodge.. I am so happy if I died right now I would have a smile on my face.. I love it here, don't want to leave the jungle ... we have to leave early in the morning for Turtle island and I cant wait ...... 

Malaysia...

penang hill

Sorry for my recent tardiness, with regard to the blog, either been on the move, no WIFI or I have had an awful cold and could not be arsed !!

3 girls and an organ !

in land rover

the bounty !!!

bounty hunters !!

Darwin !!

bamboo bridge

a refreshing drink ...

Brian got in the way of my shot !!

A car for 12 .

Petronas Towers

Me being autistic !!

Melaka

Melaka

So we left River Kwai in a pick up truck driven by our very own cowboy ! playing Country and Western the whole way to the train station, 1hr 30 mins away...We sang at the top of our voices the whole way much to our 'pilgrims ' surprise and ours that we knew the all the words.....   The huge train arrived and we quicky found our massive seats and ordered dinner, which was brought to our table. 4 courses and it was yummy ... Then the bed man came along and turned the train into bunk beds.. I hopped into Brians lower bunk with him and we watched a film on the computer together....It was then time for me to go up to mine , it was like sleeping in an MRI machine and as noisy .. Brian kept the whole train awake snoring, whilst I stayed awake thinking the train was stopping for Highway men to get on and highjack the train.. I joined Brian again ( much to his delight !! ) to watch the sunrise  as we choo chooed our way through Thailand.. We all had to get off at the border which was effortless, and back onto the train where we were joined by Hiawatha, ... plaits and all , she was from Hawaii and was very proud of the fact that she was born in the same hospital as Obama !!! (says it all really ) she then asked Brian where he was from, when he said Northern Ireland she quickly asked "protestant or Catholic !!" when he said "Catholic " she then asked him very quickly if he was a coeliac !!, now forgive me friends and family in Ireland for my ignorance but I was completely unaware that the two went so seamlessly hand in hand..... so Pocahontas made for a painful 6 hours to Penang  sitting crossed legged and snacking on wheat free items.... We hopped in a taxi driven by the islands prison officer and very proud of it he we was too .. Sergeant Ahmed  39741... he asked us if we needed a room for the night !!! Brian said he hoped not !! especially when Sergant Ahmed mentioned they still have the death penalty ...., found our hotel and decided to go upto the "revolving restaurant " for dinner .... Revolting more like, I refused to pay for mine... back down to the bar for live music ... we renamed the act  3 girls and an organ !!! 3 lovely girls , 2 singing one playing an electric piano, and a he/she .... flicking his hair and singing power ballads his adams apple bobbing away as he tried to hit those high notes.... it was very funny ...
The next day we walked around this delightfully colonial town, it is so multi cultural, and a great example of how many different religions and race can live in harmony, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Catholics, Coeliacs.... All the buildings are pastel coloured with wooden shutters covering the windows.. we walked to Fort Cornwallis which was built by the British, it was not the best example of a fort I have seen , but then I am no fort expert !! We then wandered back in the boiling heat for afternoon tea at the Eastern and Oriental Hotel (owned by Raffles) we sat on the verandah and tucked in to 'tiffin' !! The reception area had a beautiful domed ceiling which we found out echoed and reverberated sound around, so after much feet stamping and coo eeee ing we left the 5 star establishment much to the residents delight ...
The next day was as boiling hot, so we decided to head for Penang Hill to 'take cooler air' as the locals do. We got into a funicular railway and a hairy ride later arrived at the top.. it is like a G10 summit meeting here in Malaysia, you have never seen so many cultures and religions, the view from the top was breath taking, and you could spot all the different, temples and mosques, and churches from up here. We found a tea garden and had a roast dinner which was odd whilst taking in the view.
We checked out the next morning and hopped on a mini bus to take us to Cameron Highlands, on Mount Titiwangsa ( is it just me or is that name funny) the climb up to the town took 100 switchbacks and everyone looked pretty green when we got there. We past many tea plantations and strawberry farms on the way up, with signs outside saying " self plucking" which just ran riot with my immature sense of humour ... "go pluck yourself" "happy plucking" "have a pluck on us " or simply " pluck your own " we arrived at Hillview inn our residence for a couple of nights.... well it was more like Fawlty Towers, with Bahinder Fawlty and his wife running it, they clearly hated their jobs, and being a resident was obviously incredibly inconvenient for them... Belsen Prison would have been more luxurious . and it was quite expensive to stay here... Oh well , we had booked ourselves on a trip to see the Rafflesia flower, and boy was I excited.
An awful nights sleep, cold, damp, noisy very heavy rain , not helped by no glass in the windows just mesh !! Had a dreadful breakfast served with the panache of an Easy Jet stewardess who had clearly been to the Mugabe school of Leisure and Tourism, our landrover picked us up with two incredibly dull Germans... We drove back down the mountain to the jungle and after all the rain, it was an exciting journey off road, the Landrover was right over on its side upto it's sump iin mud.. I had no idea these cars could do this... after a brief with our guide - don't touch or grab anything as it may have a snake on, if something falls on you stay calm I have a machete !! we slid into the jungle.... It was very very hot and very tough trek, we climbed over rocks and slid down banks and balanced across tree trunks across waterfalls, not for the faint hearted! Brians face was a picture... and he was muttering god knows what under his breath about this sodding flower... As I am so boring I had googled this plant and had bored the life out of Brian the night before, so you can only imagine his excitement about this trek !!
Eventually we found it ... and it was wonderful .. For those of you who have a life go to Part B....
Part A 
The Raffelsia Flower is only found in SE Asia, It is the largest flower in the world. It takes one year to grow, and once it has popped , only lives for 5 days. It is parasitic and lives on vines, it has no leaves or stems so cannot perform photosynthesis ! It has red wart like petals and eats flies . It is a flower as it has both male and female sex organs . It smells like " a rotting buffalo carcass!
Part B
Well after me telling Brian this you can see why he was champing on the bit to find it, yet after one and half hours of trekking when we found he he was pretty amazed, although not as much as I was, I heard he chatting to all the pretty girls about the plant and was a botanical expert when it came to Raffelsia.. what he did not know about this plant , he even found out it had medicinal properties, which he then looked up back at the room to find it had an Oxytocin affect.. so now also a Nobel Prize winner , ( I would kill for a nobel peace prize ) .... men ! Darwin would have been proud.. we slid all the way back to the village where a bit of blowpiping was in order and we all had a go on a pipe firing darts at a target and passing around highly poisonous darts... I was first up of course to have a go ... I couldn't have caught dinner, but hit the bullseye !!!
We then clambered back into the Land Rover and started the climb back up the mountain , but not for long .. our clutch burnt out ... so we were towed by the other Land Rover .... which was scary... we pulled into a garage and then all piled in one Land Rover... all 12 of us ... this didn't stop the driver driving like a maniac, but the gods were watching... he had about 8 buddhas on his dashboard and a photo of Bob Marley , covering all bases there......  It was then back to the cave for another cold miserable night....
We checked out the next morning much to Bahinder Fawlty delight, he virtually threw our bags after us and shouted " don't bother coming back ".....  and hopped on a bus to Kuala Lumpur. Fairly uneventful journey apart form the driver pulling over walking up the bus and clouting a local really hard around the head then dragging him off the bus, we were wondering what in gods name had he done, was he a stowaway , drugs.... relax everyone.. he had dropped some litter on the floor.... Brian said he wanted to get his hoover out !! I sat very still and was not buggering around for once ....
We arrived in KL and HMMMM !! we don't like it, skyscrapers, dual carriageways, we scuttled about amongst the looming ugly buildings.. not knowing where you are as you have nothing to focus on, except sterile claustrophobic glass and metal.. we are missing the chaos and cacophony of the other places we have visited, the voyeurism of looking in at other peoples way of life, this almost seems normal and boring.... However, we went to the Petronas Towers, which had lovely gardens and fountains around them, and went into Marks and Spencers to get some knew underwear as ours is as grey and baggy as an Afghans !! we then had a beer on the top floor of Traders Hotel looking at the towers by a lovely pool sitting in a cabana ( top tip ) .. Having decided KL was not for us, we headed for Melakka a UNENSCO heritage site a little like Hoi An, it is very lovely, different coloured houses, shuttered windows, chinese lanterns, me sniffing and coughing , a gift from the damp concentration camp in the highlands....I was not feeling great so we relaxed and ate and wandered around, I blew my nose a lot, ( I am sure the Chinese have served up something similar to me whilst travelling ...) the next day was time to move on and another bus journey with a border crossing thrown in... destination - Singapore ... bring it on .....