Another day another dong !!

After a very pleasant flight from Nha Trang to Danang , we jumped in a taxi with two teachers from Horsham,  I know , schools in Horsham !! women will be able to drive next !! and set on our way to Hoi An ( must be annoying if your name is Ann, keep turning around all the time thinking someone is shouting your name  ) , anyway we arrived in Hoi An another Unesco town, and it is beautiful,,, in the evening the whole town is lit with these beautiful red, yellow, and orange lanterns ... simply lovely...the town is built out of old wooden houses with flowers growing down them, a river running through , and bridges leading over the river all covered in these lanterns.. the area is pedestrian which is a first .. so no feeling of having tyre marks down your back at any given time.. one of the bridges is covered.. incase that last minute dash of 20 m got you more wet than the last 3 miles you have just walked, so that it a nice touch.....we had a lovely meal in a restaurant over looking the lit river and next to us was a group on a 6 month tour called uktooz check out their website, they do it on a truck , camping and cooking all the way to OZ from London.. they had some stories to tell, really nice talking to them and hearing about their adventure, their truck had been impounded in Nepal so they were now on flights and buses.... sounds cool  ..

The next day we decided to go to the beach which is stunning, 22km of sandy palm fringed clear blue sea,  the sea was so warm.. I was in it most of the day surfing the waves in .. ( charlie don't surf ) for all you apocolypse now fans .... this really is a magical place, great beach, quaint town, nice temperaure, and you can even get any clothes made you want and shoes for a fraction of the price... you know how I love shopping .... I bought Brian some head and shoulders shampoo... I know a gift that keeps on giving... that will keep the scurf of his collar line on his M&S suit when we get home.. no highly tailored suits for us .....

so after much eating, drinking sleeping, surfing it was time for a trip.... My Son, the oldest temple yet 4Th Century and looked every day of it... I was feeling a little queer .. not in a homosexual way just a bit dodgy... and after  a 8am pick up then driving like a maniac around the town for an hour picking up 50 other people I wanted to get off and tell My Son to ..... but no.. the show must go on... with the plastic bag in my lap we made it... it was soooo hot in the jungle and I am sure it was amazing and old... but in my state of mind another pile of rocks that yes the yanks had managed to blow to smithereens.... this site was used by the vietamese cong as a head quarters,   By this time in the heat and hearing about this dynasty and that dynasty I felt my body had turned to stone..... Brian and I thought it would be a great idea to do the jungle trek back to the coach ... WWWWHHHHYYYYY ...... noone else did .. we were the only ones , hacking through jungle , falling into bomb craters and freaking each other out with .. " OMG what was that " " what "" that , that hissing noise " " oh F Off Gabby " " no really .. ahhh I have been bitten " " shut up Gab your not funny " you get the picture and you know how jumpy I am and Brian always gets me back ... " Gabby don't move ... their is something on your back " ......  yep .. a lovely relaxing 30 minute walk back to our boiling coach.. but hey .. only an hours boat ride to go with me wanting to throw up everywhere...... Brian loved the trip, he said it was the first time I had shut my beak and not bored him rigid with facts and stories of where we were going...  we eventually got back to our beautiful hotel for a nice cool sleep , Brian being very sweet as always and looking after me , we went down for dinner and watched a Cham show of local dance.. clay pots on head ... it won't win Britain's got talent ...  fell into bed , ready for our trip to Hue' tomorrow . we love Hoi An whoever she may be ???

Beach Life !!

Another bus journey, but as this country is so amazing I almost look forward to them. This journey went without too much aggravation from Brian !! the usual changing of seats , oh yes and as he grabbed his bag off me , my itouch swung like a yo yo as I was still hanging onto the earphones and thwacked the poor guy in the bunk below me square on the napper !!!! ouch ..  Oh yes and  I managed somehow !! to puncture a can of coke which very slowly over 4 hours dripped dripped like Vietnamese coke torture onto the girl in front of the guy who was now nicely concussed ..... doh !!!
The journeys here are so breath taking, rocky outcrops, water buffaloes in water ( no surprises there ) kids waving, sand dunes, stunning bays, mountain ranges, paddy fields,  this really is one amazing country.

We rolled in Nha Trang the Vietnamese Costa Del Sol and very nice it is to .. Palm fringed promenades, clear turquoise sea, islands as a vista, fine sandy beaches.. we had had bad reports, so were not sure what to expect, and we were very pleasantly surprised... After lazing away on the beach, swimming in the sea and pool, it was time for some excitement.. so I booked us onto a diving/snorkelling trip.
We climbed aboard our vessel and chugged out past floating fishing villages , which keep fish netted in the water.. it must be big bucks or dong ! as they all have a ferocious dog guarding them that goes bananas when you get close.... some Germans on the trip said they had been out in a kayak and had paddled up to them and the dog jumped in the water and swam after them !!! maybe he was trying to escape from his own Alcatraz !!

 Arrived at a lovely island and dove in.. the visibility was amazing 27 m the coral was beautiful, layer after layer , fairly bleached but still alive, load of tropically colourful fish.... it wasn't until 30 mins later I realised I had lost Brian..... I searched the sea floor first ( always the pessimist !!) then all around, getting anxious ( wasn't sure if our policy covered snorkelling trips ) I finned my way back to the boat which had moored up out at sea !!  Oh and a wonderful sight greeted me cos their was my messiah , hands on hips, in his underpants standing on the back of the boat, looking very pleased with himself...until I slowly removed my snorkel and shouted from the depths of the sea " your pants are on inside out " !!!!!!!

Lawrence of Arabia !

So we left Saigon , on our sleeper bus which picked us up from our hotel .... luxury , we were also given the best seats on the bus !! it is our wedding anniversary after all .. I thought they were a bit close to the loo, and wanted to sit by the window .. Brian copied and then decided to keep moving and faffing about.. he eventually decided once we were well on our way to go back to the original seat ... Now then , these buses are full.. then make random stops to pick up I can only guess to be family and friends who then lay the whole way up the aisle , often you wake up to find a friendly face smiling back , I have never woken up next to so many different men before !!! anyway , yes you guessed it Brian woke up next to a man !!!! check out the photo, Brians body language is very different to his friends ... ( arse soh !!)  The trip was amazing.. men strapping goats onto mopeds, pigs and chickens on the back of bikes ... Different shops , one selling coffins !!! and lots of very small ones , a stark reminder of the child mortality rates over here, number one killer Malaria !
Anyway 5 hours later we rocked up at the sleepy beach resort of Miu Ne and checked into our 4 star hotel, of course we had been upgraded.... flowers wine .. its getting a bit embarrassing now ...Went into town for a meal.. you know how much I love food .. not !! the choice was grilled frog / snake / turtle or crocodile ... I opted for prawns ... cant believe how much weight I have put on eating so little !!  might be something to do with drinking my own body weight in beer .....

East meets West !!!!

OMG !!!! we have arrived in Vietnam .... after our last meal in Pakse courtesy of dear friends Kate and Dave who very kindly gave us £14 in Kip .... we foolishly thought it was Thai baht which was £3417 !!!! overly generous .... we thought until we realised ( all this funny money ) but thanks guys for a lovely last meal.. we even treated ourselves to a bottle of wine !! woo hoo .. its very expensive over here.. I found an elastic band in my meal .. and got mine free so tomorrow we shall eat like kings ..

So we have arrived in Ho Chi Min .. Saigon to you and me ... street pedlars, beggars chickens on bikes.. passengers not driving them.. that not that advanced yet over here and then you have Chanel, Gucci and Louis Vitton shops ... all in the shadow of the communist flag .. weird..
The traffic is hilarious !! in a terrifying crazy chaotic way.. Imagine you are standing on the starting grid of a Formula 1 race and the lights go green and you have to cross in front of them... Brian and I have stopped holding sweaty hands.. it is survival.. see you on the other side ... quite literally ... you have to keep walking and they all swerve around you.. stay calm, don't make any quick or unpredictable movements ... dad would have spent his whole time here standing on the same spot ...  it all seems to work though and the traffic keeps moving...

So after the initial shock of noise , traffic , horns beeping and general chaos, we booked ourselves into the Water Puppet show .... it was really good.. hard to follow the plot as it was in Vietnamese, but dragons, rice fields and water lilies featured heavily.. all done by puppeteers behind a bamboo curtain up to their waists in water... It lasted 50 mins .. it was long enough ...
The next day we were up and at it for the Cu Chi Tunnels ... I was really looking forward to it.. lord knows why !! I have been putting off writing this blog as have no idea what to write.. The Vietnamse cong built 250 Km of underground tunnels to hide from the Americans.. they lived underground in sweltering heat, cooking , hospitals, babies born etc.. the tunnels are 1.2m high and 80 cms across and are unlit.. they have trap doors so they could escape quickly. these are impossible to spot on the jungle floor .... Brian found one... but couldn't fit in..   !!after being shown some pretty horrendous video and torture weapons, those boys knew how to fight.. sharpened bamboo spikes hidden in pits, lots of traps.. we were led to a firing range where you  can fire a gun of your choice for a buck a bang !! Brian chose the M16 .. it was so noisy, and felt so inappropriate enjoying some trigger time where so many had fallen at the mercy of a gun.
I was very upset by the whole thing and just wanted to get on the bus ... Brian went into the tunnels but I thought I might freak out so took begrudging photos of the whole thing..

The US had a free drop zone over this area and 500,000 bombs were dropped , mainly on the way back to the base to get rid of them,  also agent orange , this not only maimed and killed many people but crops still don't yield in this area and I have never seen so many limbless , disfigured people before. I have not been witness to the affects of war in my life , and found the situation I was in of being their very uncomfortable.. as we were driving back all I could imagine is what it must have been like 40 years ago, yet all the children and families are waving as we trundle back to our western civilisation... ....
Anyway , to cheer me up, Brian took me to The War remnants museum... lovely... It was awful, very yankie bashing, horrific photos, then the delights of seeing the instruments of war outside, tanks , helicopters, guns and heavy artillery...  I hated it, but then it's not there for you to enjoy..  All my senses are completely frazzled .. we made our way back to our hotel through all the crazy traffic and tooting to the sanctuary of our 4 star hotel ... forget it .. we have a cockerel who lives in a back street of this crazy town, and it cock a doodle doos all the time.. especially at 4am ... now where is a B 52 when you need one !!!!!
Then next day, and early start thanks to the soddding cockerel, had to be a man making all that noise ( cock ) !! We started our walk around this lovely city, when the French were here they built beautiful opera houses and leafy boulevards, it really is lovely, very hot and the traffic is ridiculous but I love it here, the Post office is amazing, huge domed glass ceiling, old huge maps on the wall , original wooden telephone booths for the old way of making international calls, about 30 booths around the edge and all over seen by Mr Ho Chi Min... his eyes seem to follow you around.. I took us an hour to send two letters.. keep checking the mat kids, first to find it can open it !!!  that might make you get up.... lazy gits !  we were sent here and there , lots of stamping and form filling... stern women who have clearly taken some tips from the Eva Braun school of customer service .. when I asked how long it would take for the letters to arrive.. she barked " two weeks "  Brian said " How are they getting there .. tuk tuk " this made her really laugh .. After more walking and cold beers and food we headed back to pack our rucks and skype mum and friends.. off to the beach tomorrow..

Happy Birthday Daisy ... xxxxxxxxx

Poxy Pakse !!!

Our last day in Vientiene was spent wandering around more temples !!! but this one was the bling of all temples ... oh yes girls 450 kg of the gold stuff !!! it was hurting my retinas..... we couldn't go in and they made me wear a traditional wrap skirt !!! lovely...

We had to get our sleeper bus at 7pm and I was getting quite excited .... boy was I impressed when we got to the coach station.. Our bed for the night was on "The King of Bus " and it's number was 999 !! uh oh !!! that didn't fill me with quite as much excitement, I though maybe they had got it upside down.. which put even more of the bejessus up me !! also written on our ticket it said "good luck " ! for what ! we climbed aboard to the very lairy interior and settled down.. silk sleeping liners, eyemasks, ear plugs, pillow, film on computer... it was lovely, I slept pretty much all night... Brian did not ... and oh dear he as in bad form when we arrived at 6am !!!  the coach was met with local tut tut drivers climbing onto the bus and literally picking up your stuff and dragging you outside... it had been raining again !! and our rucks were laying in a puddle of  red muddy water !!! I thought the old man was going to drop to his knees in despair.... but no bother ...

I flagged down the oldest looking motorbike with sidecar and wedged him in it !!! he was not amused... we have booked into a 4 star hotel which is lovely looking over the Mekong... we have to stay as the cruise we were hoping to be booked onto has been cancelled as the river is so swollen !!! there is nothing to do here... it is raining , filthy, hot , busy, ... hey how about relex for a few days !!!! are you mad.. I had us booked onto a trip the next day out to the oldest temple Wat Phou... an UNESCO heritage site ... it was wonderful, like a lost city.. I kept running around pretending to be Indiana Jones... met a lovely crowd on the bus and had a really good laugh... it's funny you know , It was lovely being with other people but I am not seeking other peoples company ... I am really enjoying being with Brian !!! I know weird huh !!!!!  he is being lovely and we are having a really good time.

Have not really done much else... I had a Lao massage today with a man !! well i think it was a man.. I didn't realize my legs could do that !! and when his foot was wedged up my growler !! well I think it was his foot !! I had my eyes squeezed tightly shut... the longest hour I have ever spent ... felt abused after it !!! don't know whether he should have been paying me !!! he didn't ask me if I wanted a 'happy ending ' thank god !!!!  I think I am having his baby , I shall call it Pet !! after him....... Off to Viet F***ing Nam tomorrow so flight first thing... Looking forward to moving on .. I know Ho Chi Min City is going to be crazy but looking forward to a bit of history and change .... Just want to be somewhere nice and not raining !!!! when Gandhi was asked "what do you think of Western Civilisation ?" he replied " I think it would be a good idea " !!!!  hope Nam is a bit better than Laos !!! XXXX safe flight home from Spain Mum Jo and family xxx

Zut Alors

I was up and at it with the monks again... only to find .lots of bussed in tourists in holiday company ponchos were there....giving out rice to the monks and standing in front of them snapping away.. very distasteful... I almost wished I hadn't gone and shattered yesterdays wonderful image...still I am a tourist , and this is what we do to these countries...

Anyway today was our trip to the waterfall day !!! having had to wait 20 mins for our taxi... the 2 French people that we already in the taxi clambered into the front to get in front of the fans !!!! it was very very hot !!!!! and Brian was very very cross.... you can imagine the Irish mutterings that were going on and viva la France it was not !!! anyway we clambered up these waterfalls and took the obligatory photos and purposefully made the French wait for us like the battle of Trafalgar,  before clambering tout sweet into the front of the taxi ... in front of the fans !!! ha ha ... after lots of zut alors and very cross French , an silent uncomfortable journey home was completed with the final insult in the Agincourt Coffin of Brian slamming the sliding door in the French mans face ... by mistake...I walked away chuckling at the very cross hot frenchmans face wrestling with the door !! up yours frogs !!!!!

The next early morning brought with it our first long 6 hr bus journey, and in order for Lord Brian not to get the hump some strategic planning was in order ..... i mapped out where we should sit .... so .. sit on right better view - tick , check both seats recline - tick , sit forward of the loo - tick , check curtains pull for sun blindness - tick , beer, water and snacks in bag - tick , film downloaded on computer for Brian to watch with plenty of killing and blood shed - tick .. so what could go wrong ....oh yes this one had been planned with military execution, we arrived 40 mins early and I bagged those god damn seats and nodded smugly at my discerning fellow passengers....

Just as we were about to leave the frog eating, toilet squatting , garlic breathing, horse murderers arrived ... " excuse et moi , zat is moi seat " - lots of pointing at numbers and oh la la ing  later and huffing and puffing, I punched myself in the face 3 times moving our stuff- we found our seats - we were not aware the tickets were numbered !!! and oh yes you guessed it ... our seats were in front of our French friends from yesterday who were clearly enjoying our misfortune . Having finally settled down we were on our way to Vang Vieng - and with a final click of my reclining coach seat, i reclined into the knees of my goose force feeding French friends ... c'est satisfaction!!!!

So arrived in Vang Vieng .... getting down and keeping it real !! it was like well bad !!!... should have known really after listening to the most boring 3 uni students on their "garp yar " ... these kids don't stop talking but with absolutely no content to their conversation whatsoever .... and no one is laughing or havnig any banter ... what has happening... I was tortured for 5 hours so I want to spread that love ... it went something like this ... " I am like so comically bored " " ya I have a friend who was like really bored once and that " " I know it was like so funny yeah this thing, I was like crying with laughter " " I know I like laughed once so much I thought I was going to like wet myself " !!!!! no one asks what about or who or just ..... I had to quite literally stop my sides from splitting when the pinnacle of funny was told in this joke from one posho to the other ... Mum you might want to go and pop a tena lady in .... brace yourselves everyone..so " ya like this is the funniest joke you will ever hear ya "" I had a friend once who told a funny joke " " well .. what cheese do you use to get a bear out of the woods "? " I dont know " " Camembert (come on bear ) ... the posh bird says " what's Camembert " !!!!! for gods sake ..... So with so much hilarity you can imagine how disappointed we were to get off the coach... and disappointed we were... it was awful, I had been secretly looking forward to this place , inner tubing down the river, lots of bars...'happy shakes ' and magic mushrooms on your pizza!! should have known really... I have never seen so many stoned, drunk Kids in all my life, so stoned they had to lay in bars on wooden beds watching reruns of Friends on DVD on

 big screen tvs... not speaking ... I have never ever seen an episode of Friends and did not want to start in the middle of the jungle in Laos thanks... I was really disappointed and felt very old ... Brian thought it was very funny... its also the first time we have not felt safe , locked our bags and didn't sleep well after I found our window had previously been jemmied open !!.. we were supposed to stay 2 nights, but we got up at 9am and were on the bus by 0930 !!! got the last two tickets..   we were off to Vientiene the capital !!!

Very busy, very hot and very rainy !!!! that night went into a bar with live music and found some Irish girls we had met before so had lots of wine with them .

The next day we headed off to the Vietnamese Embassy to get our visas , these  should take 5 days to process but after being told an extra $5 we could get them done in an hour !!! corruption ... love it .... whilst waiting for the hour.. Brian stumbled across SE Asia cable network satellite station, and did a bit of retuning.. so hopefully we can put the whole TV concern to bed !!!! we also walked to the victory monument... Imagine you are in the middle of building the ugliest concrete monument to say thanks to the Chinese when suddenly you run out of concrete ... No problem... you halt the building of the airport runway paid for in US dollar aid, and use that concrete to finish your monument... you can't get out of the country as there is no runway but you can look at a concrete tower which plays nauseating Laos love songs ... lovely... After lots of walking around and more temples we were rewarded with a lovely sunset over the Mekong in warm drizzle... a very special  moment.